Divorce – a self-fulfilling prophecy of misery or salvation?
Frustration builds as your bank account bleeds…
It bankrupts your patience and any remaining good sense.
You probably wonder, “What the hell am I paying for?”
Divorce is hard.
It’s complicated, overwhelming, and heart wrenching. It’s painful, scary, intimidating, and maddening. It’s also quite costly.
The pressure is on to make decisions … big decisions … involving the here and now and the next.
All you want is for it to be over.
That’s why your decision-making is typically impulsive and rushed.
But what if your perception of divorce is nothing more than a simple misunderstanding?
My First Divorce
It was my first divorce and before I had even met with my attorney, I somehow knew that the process would be slow, difficult, and expensive.
But how did I know? And how did I know that everyone involved, including myself, would be miserable?
Truth was, I didn’t know. Not absolutely. I assumed based on the experiences of others. And I chose to believe I was right.
God – if only I could have been wrong!
Divorce was hell. It was war. And those I thought were on my side, really weren’t.
I was scared, hurt, and robbed … on many levels … physically, emotionally, and financially.
And at the end of it all, I was not left for better, but for worse.
(Sound familiar?)
It Was Me
But who could I blame?
A faulty legal system? An unsympathetic judge? An attorney that appeared more interested in clocking their hourly rate than tending to their client’s peace of mind?
If not them, then who?
Well, the obvious answer is me.
If only I had been aware that the quality of my experience with divorce had been in my control all along.
No one forced me to believe that every aspect of divorce is difficult. I was the one that chose to make the horror stories of others my own. And then my subsequent divorces were experienced in similar fashion because I didn’t believe I had another choice. I didn’t believe that I could experience divorce as something other than misery.
You’re Right
“Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right.” – Henry Ford
Just like money, there isn’t anything right or wrong, or good or bad about divorce.
If you think money is intimidating, elusive, or loathsome, you’re right. And how you conduct yourself with money will be your proof.
If you think divorce is stressful, painful, and costly, you’re right. And how you conduct yourself during and after your divorce will be your proof.
It wasn’t until my fourth marriage was coming to an end that I realized the truth of Henry Ford’s words.
And it had nothing to do with “do we or don’t we”.
It was about if I wanted to prove myself right again. Or was I ready and willing to believe that divorce is in fact swift, uncomplicated … and effortless?
Drop It
Another divorce came with breast cancer too. I recall my Oncologist advising me to drop everything I thought I knew about the treatment of breast cancer, to forget everything I had ever read and everything I had ever been told. He said it was all crap and had nothing to do with me or my cancer.
Eventually I believed him … and that’s what saved me.
I could tell you that the healthiest thing you could do is to drop all your preconceived ideas of what divorce is like. But you won’t … because you can’t change what you’re unaware of.
So, the first thing for you to do is take the step you don’t want to take.
Regardless of where you are in your divorce, before, during, or on the other side of it, you must decide if it’s more important for you to be right or be happy.
That’s when the door to the “classroom of divorce” will open, inviting you in.
What is that classroom?
I’d love to have a chat with you and explain … please click below and schedule a complimentary discovery session.
And if you’re really curious … take the Money Types Quiz to see what is currently influencing your financial decision making and impacting your divorce too.
Then you can sign up to attend my free webinar, hosted by UB, on Wednesday, October 25th at noon.
I hope to see you there!
-Christine, B.Msc. – Wealth Coach, Certified Money Coach (CMC®)
Watch my videos below to learn more about how wealth coaching can transform your decision-making:
Alicia Kay is a current client of Note and was not compensated for providing this testimonial.
Chelsea Haines is a current client of Note and was not compensated for providing this testimonial.
Greg and Laura Beatty are current clients of Note and were not compensated for providing this testimonial.
Chelsea Haines is a current client of Note and was not compensated for providing this testimonial.
Greg and Laura Beatty are current clients of Note and were not compensated for providing this testimonial.
The CMC® designation combines sound coaching principles with practical financial coaching to assist individuals better understand their relationship with money and finances. Money Coaching complements financial professionals as an additional “field of expertise” to offer their existing client base. Certificate Candidates are required to complete Modules One, Two and Three; complete the “Core Process” and a Client Assessment on a minimum of two “practice clients”; complete all exercises in the Certified Money Coach workbook; submit their work and conduct a final review with and to the satisfaction of the Money Coaching Institute. Upon satisfactory completion of items above, candidates will be awarded the Certified Money Coach (CMC)® designation (along with the rights to use the service marks) and will be issued a Certificate of Completion.