7 Myths about Wealth Coaching

Rebel. Rescuer. Magician.

You probably have an instant picture of the word and what it means. The same could be true of “wealth coach.” Problem is, most people don’t know what a wealth coach is or does … and when they find out, they either want to dive right in, or run.

If you’re a runner or are sitting on the fence about having a conversation about wealth coaching, perhaps dispelling the myths surrounding this work will provide some clarity. At least enough to either get you off the fence or know what you’re running from.

Myth #1 – Wealth coaching is just financial planning or wealth management.

While it’s super flattering to hear someone immediately exclaim, “I need you!”, after they hear that I’m a wealth coach, we soon learn that their first impression of what a wealth coach does is wrong.

A wealth coach (at least this one) does not help you manage or invest your money. That’s the work of your financial advisor or planner.

A wealth coach will help you to manage your relationships with money … your instinctive, emotional, practical, and spiritual relationships with money. When these four relationships are healthy and operating in harmony with all facets of life, true wealth (well-being) is achieved.

Myth #2 – All wealth coaches (and money coaches) are the same.

It’s safe to say that most coaches have some type of certification or degree that qualifies them to do the work they do. But to assume that coaches who share the same title, for example “wealth coach,” “money coach,” or “life coach,” also share the same educational background is…shortsighted.

An example: I am an Ordained Metaphysical Minister, I have a degree in Metaphysical Science, and I am a Certified Money Coach CMC®.

Wealth Coach is a title I gave myself twelve years ago. I was intentional with my word choice just as I had been intentional with my degree and certification of choice. It all had to reflect what I stood for, the service I was providing, and be relatable.

The original definition of wealth is “your current state of well-being; or path to happiness.” The fact that we have four relationships with money makes money a powerful classroom for self-discovery, personal/professional growth, and life transformation.

So, as a wealth coach, I help people experience greater well-being (happiness), by transforming how they relate to money and life, changing how they choose to see themselves, and what they believe is possible.

Myth #3 – You’ll help me get rich.

A wealth coach won’t help you get rich. That’s not our job … that’s not our purpose.

It’s unfortunate that our happiness, right here and right now, is determined by how much we have and how much we make. Our identity, our sense of worthiness, what we believe about ourselves, and our capabilities are measured by and defined by our financial capital.

A wealth coach will ask, what value does being rich bring to your life? Is it about how others will perceive you? Do you have something to prove? Or do you believe that being rich will provide peace of mind?

A wealth coach will also tell you not to fight against what you currently believe. Examine it instead.

You may say to yourself, “I will be the happiest when I’m rich.” And if that’s what you believe, don’t change it. Just say, “Well, that’s what I believe right now and that’s ok. It doesn’t make me a bad person, it doesn’t make me evil, but it also won’t make me happy. And as long as I think being rich will make me happy, then I just have to wait until I realize it won’t make me happy.”

Being rich isn’t right or wrong. It’s the attitude that you bring to being rich that will ultimately determine your quality of life and well-being.

Myth #4 – You’re going to put me on a budget.

A wealth coach won’t ever tell you what to do. How you do money and finances is 100% up to you. But, if you resist looking at how you spend or you don’t have a conscious spending plan, then you may have an unhealthy relationship with money. And this goes for personal finances as well as business.

  • Other indications of an unhealthy relationship with money are:
  • Blaming others, the market, or the economy for your situation.
  • Impulsive spending, giving, or even investing.
  • You and your spouse/partner arguing over money, work, or business.
  • Tapping into your personal savings to meet employee expenses or payroll.
  • Money having authority in your life.
  • Being afraid of making the wrong decision.
  • … and many more!

Budgets aren’t bad and they’re not a form of punishment. They’re a really good tool for keeping you on track and aware of your spending.

But if you want to be successful at maintaining a conscious spending plan (budget), you need to become aware of and heal the belief patterns that are triggering your resistance, blaming, impulsiveness, etc. – which is the job of a wealth coach.

Myth #5 – You’re going to judge me.

For most folks, money makes us feel vulnerable. Talking about money is downright scary, uncomfortable, and simply too revealing.

I get it.

Two of my divorces left me financially crippled and one of them resulted in my filing for bankruptcy. And while I survived breast cancer, it was more than I could afford financially, even with health insurance and a grant.

And that’s why, as a wealth coach, one of the first questions I will ask someone is, “what is the one thing about you and money that you don’t want anyone to know?”

I don’t ask this to make you feel uncomfortable or ashamed. I ask so that you can find safety in being open and honest about money, about where you’re at, and about what’s going on in your head.

The first task of a wealth coach is to hold a safe space for open dialogue. And over a short period of time, what was once uncomfortable to talk about is now comfortable … because YOU are no longer judging yourself.

Myth #6 – You can’t help me with finding purpose and fulfillment.

If nearly every decision you make is influenced by money, then the quality of your relationships with money will determine how you experience life overall. In simple terms this means that the very nature of you and money will either leave you feeling “short” on purpose and fulfillment or feeling truly satisfied and in love with life.

I have witnessed time and time again that our most important relationship with money is our spiritual relationship. And it’s the one most often ignored.

Allowing money to be a classroom, a wealth coach will help you become aware of and bring forth the great unrealized potential that exists in your life right here and now.

You will be asked what you believe … about money … and time … what you believe about choice … and yes, even what you believe about God/Spirit. You will be gently and firmly challenged to question your understanding of who you think you are and what you believe is possible.

I want to know, and more importantly, I want you to know, all that you believe because it is the beliefs that you hold that will either move you towards or away from a life of purpose and fulfillment.

Myth #7 – I have a significant net worth, or I have enough money; therefore, I don’t need a wealth coach.

You may be right. You don’t need a wealth coach. But is knowing that you have a high (or ultra-high) net worth your final destination? Is having enough money your only measure of complete well-being and sustainable happiness?

If it is, fantastic!

However, I have found that those that consider themselves financially successful often suffer from chronic “not-enough-ness.” There’s usually something missing, and this becomes clear when …

They resist committing to a retirement date …
They resist selling their business or turning it over to the family …
They can’t (or won’t) envision a new life for themselves …

A wealth coach will ask …

What is it about setting that retirement date that scares you?
What is it about letting go of controlling the business that bothers you?
Tell me what matters most to you … what are you doing when you are most like yourself?

It’s that line of questioning that will get to the heart of one’s resistance, allowing them to begin to release their fears so they can begin to see what’s really been missing …

True wealth has nothing to do with money, it’s about what makes your heart sing.

Myths are Neutral

Like any thought, a myth is neutral until you decide to believe it.

If any of the myths I wrote about rang true to you, we should talk. Please reach out to me at christine@noteadvisor.com. Or schedule a call or meeting directly on my calendly.

Want to learn about what’s influencing the effectiveness of your financial decision-making?
Take the Money Types Quiz now!

Watch my videos below to learn more about how wealth coaching can transform your decision-making:

Being Unhappy Looks Like
You may have unhealthy beliefs about money. Ready to change them?
You Don't Want to Believe It
Everyone knows money won’t make you happy. But we all behave like it will.
Belief. Attitude. Behavior. Results. Christine explains it all.
Money and Happiness
If you want a healthy relationship with money, you have to confront your beliefs.
If You've Lost Everything
How “losing it all” can teach you about your relationship with money.
The Happy One
Christine shares one woman's journey from tragedy.
Who's Driving?
Most of us make decisions with our gut, riding whatever mood we're in.
Four Relationships, Three Brains
If following good advice was easy, consultants and coaches wouldn't have jobs.
Christine's Money Story
We all have a money story. Christine shares how she overcame hers.
You Have a Relationship with Money
What you think and feel about money affects your decisions.
Not Enough
Christine tells the story of a client who learned to enjoy her present success.
A Chance to Be More
Christine reveals how to be deliberate and confident in your decisions.
When to Start Wealth Coaching?
You can't make wise decisions if your state of mind isn't healthy.
Fear Is Planning Your Finances
Christine explains how our fear can take the wheel.
What Really Changes Your Life?
Real change is hard. Christine unpacks how to get results you want.
I'll Be Happy When...
Everyone knows numbers don't make you happy.
Judge Not
Christine has a fresh take on the topic of judging others and ourselves.
Everybody's Got It
Christine talks about alternatives to judging yourself harshly.
You're for Sale
Listen as Christine talks about “selling out.”
Lost in the Enormity of Life
Christine and Tamara McMillan explore what we chase after.
The Gift of Choice
Christine and Tamara McMillan unpack the power of choice.
Prostitutes and Coffee
Christine shares a...captivating coffee story.
Belief. Attitude. Behavior. Results.
Christine explains what’s really driving those precious results.
The Real Meaning of Wealth
Christine and Tom discuss what wealth really is.
You've Sold, But Something Feels Wrong
Christine has an idea of where your purpose went.
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The CMC® designation combines sound coaching principles with practical financial coaching to assist individuals better understand their relationship with money and finances. Money Coaching complements financial professionals as an additional “field of expertise” to offer their existing client base. Certificate Candidates are required to complete Modules One, Two and Three; complete the “Core Process” and a Client Assessment on a minimum of two “practice clients”; complete all exercises in the Certified Money Coach workbook; submit their work and conduct a final review with and to the satisfaction of the Money Coaching Institute. Upon satisfactory completion of items above, candidates will be awarded the Certified Money Coach (CMC)® designation (along with the rights to use the service marks) and will be issued a Certificate of Completion.

Happiness Is Not a Reward

“Money is the key to happiness.”

Do you believe that? Be honest. 

As I scroll through social media, watch videos, and listen to podcasts, very few are willing to admit that money is in fact the key to their sense of happiness. Even those that regard themselves as “spiritual”, can’t or won’t admit that their happiness is dependent on how much money they earn or how much they have or don’t have. 

Some studies have shown that our happiness level will increase when our annual income increases, but only up to a certain income level. Then there are newer studies that show that one’s sense of happiness continues to increase as steeply as one’s level of income increases. 

Does it really matter what studies have shown? I say no. At the end of the day, it will always be up to you to decide what is influencing your overall happiness and money’s role. 

“Try being happy when you don’t have money … when you’re struggling to make ends meet.”

I’ve been there, folks – I get it. BUT – I have worked with many who had no problem meeting their basic needs and then some, yet were still fundamentally unhappy. They set goals and achieve them but the corresponding payoff never seems to show up. There must be a reason people don’t achieve what they set out to do. There must be a reason why, no matter how much someone earns or has, they fall short of experiencing true happiness, peace, and fulfillment. 

Why Aren’t You Happy?

We are counseled by our advisors to save, invest in accordance with our risk tolerance and time frame, and take steps to protect our assets and human life value. So we do our best to comply. We are also told that when we set the right goals and we do the right things, we will be rewarded! We will be happy! And then …

  • Your time to retire arrives, goal achieved … so you put on the brakes. You defer your retirement date. And you defer again. 
  • You’ve taken your business as far as you can, as far as you wanted, and you begin conversations for the sale and/or succession of your business. And then you resist. You make excuses. You can’t and won’t let go. 
  • Years of dedicating yourself to the work you love (or don’t love) and yet your income level is misaligned with your sense of self-value and worth, leaving you frustrated and disillusioned. 

Cleary, something has gone awry. But you did the right things … so why aren’t you happy? 

Do not think you can resolve your lack of happiness with practical and strategic money moves. The reallocation of your portfolio won’t get you to pull the plug and retire – even when your advisor has proven to you that you can. 

And earning more money? That will not work either. Not really.

I’ll give you a clue. And I’m sure you’ve heard this before.

Happiness Is an Inside Job

Happiness is an inside job. It’s got nothing to do with what’s going on outside of you or even to you. 

If happiness is an inside job, what does that mean to you? Where is the locus of control then? What are you currently choosing to believe about happiness and what does that belief say about you?

When you think about being “unhappy” in the context of your emotional, intrinsic, and spiritual relationships with money, your thoughts may resemble something like:

  • I am indecisive.
  • I both love and hate money.
  • I cannot be, do, or have because _______
  • I feel like I must keep proving myself.
  • Who will I be without my work (or my business)?
  • I am impulsive.
  • I am fearful … I am afraid of making a mistake; I must be in control.
  • I do not trust.

And the list goes on …

Can you see yourself in any of these statements? Perhaps you can come up with more? And can you see how these thoughts can (and do) get in the way of your happiness? That is because there is an underlying reason, an underlying belief that you hold about yourself, getting in the way of your happiness … your truth.  And until you uncover what, internally, is standing in your way, fear will continue to drive your decision-making and true happiness will elude you.

Ready to get to the root cause of what is keeping you from experiencing true wealth and happiness? Then set aside your investment statements, your financial and cash flow plans, and begin your pursuit towards happiness by taking the Money Types Quiz, your first step to identifying what belief and behavior patterns are influencing your financial decision making and standing in the way of your true happiness. 


Please join me on March 22nd at noon for my free webinar “True Wealth is Well-being” hosted by the University at Buffalo. We’ll explore together how reallocating your beliefs before your portfolio leads to greater well-being.

Forgiveness Drives Out Fear

It was 2008

The Great Recession was roiling the economy. The volatility of the market was upsetting everyone’s sense of well-being and life satisfaction. We were all living in a state of fear. We weren’t paying attention to account values, future projections, or financial plans. We were simply consumed with uncertainty and worry.

I noticed this especially with my own financial advising clients at the time. Even when financial projections proved that my clients would be okay, regardless of the sharp declines, most still reacted with fear:

  • Some clients sold investments into cash, resulting in significant loss.
  • Some postponed retirement.
  • Some came out of retirement and went back to work.
  • Others cashed in life insurance with adverse tax ramifications.

Each decision made came at a cost. Some costs were financial, but most came at the price of their overall well-being and peace of mind.

As a financial advisor, I felt I was not equipped to help my clients navigate the overwhelming emotions they were experiencing. Or the adverse effects it was having on the quality of their decision-making. No one was helping my clients make better decisions.

More than financial advice

It seemed important to know how to teach others to be confident decision-makers instead of fear-driven ones. I knew back then that I didn’t have that skill set. But if I did, I could help people heal their addiction to fear (yes, fear is an addiction) and transform their state of financial well-being.

That is why I decided to transition from financial advisor to coach…and 12 years later, I’m still doing wealth coaching full-time.

Now it’s 2022. We’re still dealing with the effects of the pandemic, another period of volatility and uncertainty. Financial planners can prove that their client’s financial plans are on track. They can withstand the storm. But many are still scared. Fear is still in charge of their decision making.

Fearful decision-making does not and cannot produce favorable results, nor will it ever improve your state of financial well-being or life satisfaction. Fearful decision-making is reactionary, impulsive, and creates additional problems instead of peaceful solutions.

So, what can you do?

Learn to forgive

Learn to forgive what you think is the cause of your (financial) fears, stress, and conflicts. Explore your relationship with money. You need to understand where your money patterns and behaviors came from and the influence your relationship with money has on the quality of your decision-making.

Once you do, you will sit squarely on the seat of choice. This can be scary because going forward, you are no longer a victim of your circumstances. You’re aware of your financial beliefs and behaviors. You can choose to believe and act in healthier ways, or you can choose to repeat old behaviors, rooting yourself stuck and fearful, with no one else to blame.

Embrace these times of volatility as an opportunity to see things in a different way. Instead of asking, “why is this happening to me?” Ask yourself, “what is the purpose of this volatility? What can I learn?” Volatility isn’t good or bad. It’s up to you what you make of it. Shakespeare got it right in Hamlet: “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

Another choice always exists. When financial struggle or a turbulent market brings fear and anxiety, peace is always a choice. Say this to yourself: “I can choose to see peace instead of this.”

Say this “thought turnaround” statement until you actually believe it.

The practice of undoing

The forgiveness I teach is the practice of undoing. Undoing how you think life is supposed to work and look like, financially or otherwise. It is a commitment to the process of change. Undoing is changing your mind about what is truly important to you.

What’s more important when your investments take a dip: peace of mind or insecurity? What about when you make an impulsive purchase: peace of mind or guilt? When you forgive, you “undo” your initial reaction and deliberately choose peace instead.

This forgiveness gets you out of your own way. Accept that the mistakes you made–financial or otherwise–were not sins. They were simply errors. Now that you are aware, you can choose a perspective that matches your values. Better behavior will follow.

Forgiveness is the great restorer of hope. When past mistakes and current fears are put in right perspective, life becomes easier. You don’t avoid reading your investment statements anymore. You know how to make mindful and deliberate decisions. Instead of worrying if your house will sell above asking, you trust that what matters most to you is in charge of the choices you make. Good decision-making results in everyone’s best interest.

Forgiveness is an attitude…and I don’t know of a way of life more powerful and transformational than this practice.

Hear more from me! Join my free webinar on forgiveness and better decision-making, hosted by the University at Buffalo on September 14th:


Choosing well-being, prosperity, and blessedness all year long.

My Word for 2022

Recently, a friend asked me to choose a word that would define the year 2022 for me. I told Madchen, my friend, that I would like to use the word that I’ve been using through the entire year of 2021: Eudaimonia.

Eudaimonia is a Greek word commonly translated as “happiness” or “welfare.” However, a more accurate translation has been proposed to be “human flourishing, prosperity, and blessedness.” That’s pretty good! It’s why I chose it for 2021.

I also looked up the word “flourishing”. Human flourishing is “developing rapidly.” Successfully. Thriving. It sounds like that would be handy, based on the speed of change that’s occurring in our lives. We could develop rapidly and successfully and be thriving. I love that.

I have some questions when I think about human flourishing, though. Isn’t it more of a choice versus a condition of being? Accepting eudaimonia and being eudaimonic. Truly taking joy in your life. Letting your experiences not impact your choice to flourish, to be successful, to thrive.

People Who Choose Eudaimonia

Throughout my life I’ve been presented with numerous examples of individuals who choose their happiness, joyfulness, and blessedness. Who are flourishing while at the same time facing great challenges.

My aunt from Pennsylvania comes to mind. She has had multiple surgeries to address her cancer, and yet when visiting with me at my parents’ home just a few weeks ago, she was as joyful a person–as filled with gratitude–as she has always been. She was thriving in the turbulence of her health. There was even an extra “umph” in her hugs. That makes sense as she faces her own mortality, but it was the only noticeable difference in this joyful human being.

Another extraordinary individual comes to mind. On May 5th 2022, we lost an American Hero: Justin Constantine, a retired lieutenant colonel in the United States Marine Corps and an attorney. He deployed to Iraq as a Civil Affairs officer attached to a Marine infantry battalion, part of Operation Iraqi Freedom in 2006. During his tour, he survived a gunshot wound to the head, though he faced a long and difficult recovery.

Justin was the keynote speaker for our “Tee It Up for the Troops” Wanakah Country Club 5th Annual golf event on September 11th of last year. He had just received permanent teeth replacements two weeks prior and approached his speaking challenge with a light heart and a sense of humor. In April of this year, I called to speak with Justin. He was a cancer survivor in addition to his combat wound, and was now facing a 2nd recurrence of the cancer and several procedures to address it.

He was experiencing some very real challenges, yet he was so grateful for the expressions of kindness he received from so many people. He spoke about how fortunate he was to be married to his lovely bride, to have made such great relationships during his years of service and in his civilian life. He encouraged me about the 2022 “Tee It Up for the Troops” golf event and said he looked forward to our next visit. Justin, so do I. Rest In Peace my friend.

Staying Centered

We seem to be bombarded daily with stimulus: attempts to win our attention and to shape our opinion. Keeping the word eudaimonia in front of me (taped to my laptop at the center of the inner hinge) centers me on better choices. Finding Joy. Success. To Thrive and to Love. This helps me a great deal.

At times, I am a bit behind on the local and national “news.” I can appear detached from the matters affecting our community! However, my demeanor, my smile or kind words can cause others to momentarily forget what they were worked up about in the first place. I could probably remind them of what was troubling them, but why rob them of their eudaimonia?

Can a state of mind impact our ability to flourish, move us away from being eudaimonic and enjoying eudaimonia? And perhaps if we let it, does choosing not to be a constant student, not to be curious as a child is curious, lead us to stop developing? I think so.

The Wisdom of Others

I have friends who have shared with me that they don’t like to read. They completed high school and/or college and that’s where they left their student self. They get their “education” about what’s impacting the world from the TV and/or Social media. Scary! I am not quite certain how one can “flourish” with these sources feeding your mind.

I am grateful to authors like Monty Moran for Love is Free, Guac is Extra; Michael A. Singer for The Untethered Soul; Ray Dalio for Principles; Thomas Sowell for numerous books such as Intellectuals and Society; Gary Keller for The ONE Thing; Jill Bolte Taylor for My Stroke of Insight; and Jack Carr for his numerous fiction (but close to real life) novels. I love the richness of their experiences. The gift of their writing skills. I cannot put Jack Carr’s books down once started.

In addition to reading, there is the opportunity to learn from meeting people from diverse backgrounds: race, beliefs, opinions, etc. I, for one, am not always right and have benefited from meeting smart and wise people. Through conversations with them I have learned of my own misconceptions and knowledge gaps.

Being curious about others’ backgrounds, cultures, beliefs, opinions and behaviors has afforded me the opportunity to flourish within my professional and personal life. I have had some disappointments by being open to others and their differences. Yet none of them would be as damaging to my well-being as being judgmental and closed off to others.

The Curiosity of a Child

We should be as curious as a child. If you’re blessed with children or grandchildren, or perhaps great-grandchildren, sit quietly and watch them explore their life. And as an adult let’s emulate that. That’s true learning. 

I think we make too many assumptions about what we know, and we miss the opportunity to learn what we don’t know to truly thrive. To develop as a child does develop, rapidly and successfully. Can we prosper without developing? I don’t think so. Can we truly achieve blessedness? Being blessed and recognizing that we are all blessed?

Can we prosper without developing? I am doubtful that one can prosper without developing today, largely due to the pace of change in all aspects of our lives. How does one age in a successful manner if they don’t develop their mind and body for inevitably getting older? Many of us know one or more individuals who have chosen not to keep pace with technology. They find it difficult to seek out certain services: medical, social, recreational and many more. Losing out on these services when needed can have severe consequences on one’s ability to prosper. 

Deciding to not participate in one’s community or narrowly defining one’s community will have negative implications for prospering. Not reading. Not engaging. Approaching life through a narrow lens. Judging others. These are all poor choices and most assuredly stifle our development. I struggle to see how anyone can truly prosper without regular development.

Our Many Gifts

Can we do this without honoring the gifts that have already been bestowed upon us: innovation, change, new technologies, and opportunities to learn? Without honoring and showing gratitude for the gifts we have and receive along our journey? 

God. Loved ones. Friends. Employees. Coworkers. Neighbors. Technology. Financial Capital. Our Homes. Our Assets. Yes, even Our Liabilities. Each is a part of our blessing and flourishing. Ignoring these, such as not honoring our liabilities or debts, will have a significant impact on our self-perception as well as the perceptions of others, in particular those we harmed through not owning our responsibilities. 

Ignoring your gifts and blessings puts you at risk of never finding what you are searching for. Remaining unfulfilled. Tomorrow might always be better: the next job, the next neighborhood, the next friend, the next spouse, etc. Yet, tomorrow never comes as we live today

You cannot learn if you cannot see the gifts right in front of you. You are too blind to learn. 

Not just formal learning, but informal. It’s at our fingertips, whether it’s in video form, written, or digital. We have tons of opportunities to learn, we just have to seek them out.

Choosing Well-Being

Prosperity is the “state of being prosperous.” Can we achieve success and wealth without flourishing? By wealth, I do not mean financial capital. I mean the 12th-century definition of wealth where it was really about well-being. Can we get to this well-being, the “state of being comfortable, happy, or healthy?” Judging life positively? Feeling good doing it? Can we get there without well-being? No. Can we achieve true wealth without being eudaimonic, without human flourishing? 

So I encourage each of you to choose your well-being. Choose to be as curious as a child is. Choose to be continuously learning. Do that and you will find eudaimonia. You will find your happiness. Your welfare. Your prosperity. Your blessedness. You’ll be a human flourishing

May you all flourish well. I hope you enjoy the word eudaimonia. I hope you find your word to define your 2022 and perhaps for the rest of your life. God bless you all.

Addicted to Anxiety, Part II

Letting judgment go so that you can grow.

Read Part I first.

A Question for You 

What do you think causes someone to file for financial bankruptcy?

What is the very first thought that comes to mind when you read that question?

Now, humor me, write that answer down. Note how you feel as you answer. No filtering please!

What if I told you that this person is 39 years old at the time when they file, lives in the suburbs, is a 15-year veteran financial advisor, and has to apply for HEAP (Home Energy Assistance Program) to get through the winter?

Did your opinion of what causes someone to file for bankruptcy change? If so, how? Now write that down.

Here is a little more information … this person, when they file, is a single woman.

How does that affect your original answer … if at all? Now write it down.

This 39-year-old single woman, financial advisor of 15 years, living in the suburbs, applying for HEAP because of significant debt … is the mother of a 2-year-old and 6-year-old.

Did that last piece of information change your opinion of what causes someone to file for bankruptcy? If so, how? Please write it down now.

Wait … there’s more.

Prior to filing for bankruptcy, this woman is married to an abusive alcoholic who, over time, gambles away most of their money. Two weeks prior to the birth of her second child, she files a restraining order and has her husband removed from their house. Six months later, they divorce. To protect herself and her two small children, she absolves her husband from all financial support if he agrees to an indefinite period of zero custody and zero visitation. He agrees.

Did this final piece of information somehow change your opinion about those that file for bankruptcy? If so, how? Now write it down.


When you look at your first answer and then your last, what do you notice?

If you are like most that I have posed this scenario and question to, you probably realized that your first answer is quite different from the last. And the reason for the change is that the more information you received, the greater your capacity for understanding and compassion grew.

We are quick to judge, yes? Quick to make assumptions about people and circumstances that we know almost nothing about. And we are just as quick to judge ourselves as well … most of the time not even knowing it.

The Whole Story

I was that 39-year-old woman. The former financial advisor, mother of two, and divorcee.

Regardless of my circumstances, I was my own worst judge and jury, constantly berating myself. In my mind, there was no room for forgiveness. I was much too comfortable playing the role of victim.

And I wasn’t willing to look at the true cause of my embarrassment, my constant worry, and my fears. So, I hid from it. I painted a smile on my face that told others “Everything must be well in her world”.

Then I noticed the physical manifestation of my anxiety … I couldn’t breathe. I could no longer inhale deeply. I was suffocating.

It was the Buddhist practice of “daimoku” that first showed me how to turn inward … to stand back and simply look and notice my responses to what was happening.

From there I was introduced to other practices and processes, metaphysical and spiritual in nature, that taught me how to truly see myself, increase my self-awareness, and let go of judgment.

Letting go of the thoughts (judgments) of “I’m a failure”, “No one will trust me”, “I’m not good enough” is what brought me to the peaceful decision to file for bankruptcy. Bankruptcy was no longer a shameful event, but one of transformation and liberation.

On some level, we all experience stress and anxiety and, if we are being honest, we experience it every day. And therein lies our addiction.

And its cause? Judgment.

Where Judgment Leads

Judgment of ourselves and assumptions about ourselves are a perfect recipe for anxiety.

It can show up in different ways …

Anxiety could look like the person struggling to let go of their business and/or retire because they are afraid of envisioning their future. Or the husband who has been diagnosed with a debilitating sickness and is afraid of making the wrong decision financially for his family and keeps his fears to himself. Or the woman who is constantly comparing herself to others, thinking that she doesn’t “measure up”, so she doesn’t apply for the promotion.

While the stories all sound different, they all share a common element: judgment. Which then leads to worry, fear, anxiety.

It’s not that we should not judge, it’s that we cannot. To judge rightly, we would have to be fully aware of a wide range of things – past, present, and future. And that is impossible.

I believe that what you give your attention to makes all the difference. This is why wealth coaching is important – because there is value in understanding your current mindset and how it is affecting the quality of your decision making and your state of well-being (happiness).

So, if what you want is a life without anxiety (stress and worry), then do yourself a favor and learn to release judgment and forgive. I have every confidence that when you do, your life will transform in unimaginable and magnificent ways.

If my story resonated with you or you need to let go of your own self-judgment, please hear more from me and register for my free webinar hosted by University at Buffalo on March 23rd: Addicted to Anxiety?

Addicted to Anxiety, Part I

A wake-up call to pay attention and forgive.

The light dimmed. Darkness overtook her mind. She was about to faint. 

Her patterns of financial anxiety were the norm for many years … even while she was a financial advisor. She was successful, but she suffered from low self-esteem and low self-worth. When her business began to suffer, she hid the truth from her husband. 

She will never forget that feeling. Standing in the middle of the kitchen and suddenly overcome with a sense of heaviness. 

Miraculously, she caught hold of the edge of the kitchen counter and fell, almost gracefully, to the floor. Her anxiety had reached an all-time high and was begging for attention.

She sat on the floor, her husband looking down at her, partly in shock and then with concern. She told him that their conversation … well, their argument … over money … would have to wait.

She got up off the floor, steadied herself, and headed to the living room. As she sat down on the couch, she thought, “never again.” She pulled out her journal and archetype cards, her chosen tools to better understand herself, her relationships, and effect positive change. 

First, define “anxiety”:

Noun; a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

Her anxiety had reached such an intense level that it had thrown her into a “panic attack”. This all-consuming sense of terror and impending doom, accompanied by a lack of Faith, had rendered her “out of control” and falling to the floor. 

Next, recall two lessons from her years as a practicing Buddhist:

  1. The quality of our environment and experiences reflects the quality of our inner condition.
  2. Faith is the belief in our own limitless potential and in all people to establish lives of unshakeable happiness. 

Her panic attack wasn’t because she was upset with her husband and money, it was symptomatic of her thoughts … her “attack thoughts”. She was reminded that she could choose to have faith in herself. That her potential to reach an unshakeable happiness hadn’t been lost … 

She was done with anxiety. The only way to be rid of it was to look directly at it. 

She wanted to understand where she was “stuck” … where her thinking was “stuck”. So, she drew a card from her Archetype deck. 

The “Addict”.

It didn’t make sense at first. Then it hit her … the “Addict” helps you recognize when an external force has more power over you than your inner spirit does. Her relationship with money was riddled with fearful thinking …  she was afraid to share that her business was suffering. 

She was afraid to tell her husband that she didn’t know how she was going to meet her share of the household expenses. She was afraid he would be angry. She was afraid of being seen as a failure and not good enough. 

Over and over and over, she chose money as the symbol of her fears. And the habitual pattern of choosing “fear in the face of money” had become her addiction. 

In the book, The Artist’s Way, author Julia Cameron states that it is through pain that one learns to pay attention. 

Nearly fainting from a financial panic attack was a painful experience. It was up to her to decide what to do with it: pay attention, learn, and forgive to come back to peace. Or ignore it and play victim, fully aware that her addiction to fearful thinking and anxiety would continue. 

She chose to pay attention, learn, and forgive. 

With peace of mind restored, she began to change her mind about her relationship with money and herself. 

Once upon a time and many years ago, that was me. Since then, I have coached countless others with similar stories in releasing their anxieties. Did any part of my story ring true to you? If so, we should talk

You can rid yourself of your financial anxiety … then share your own story to encourage others too. Contact me directly at christine@noteadvisor.com.

What’s your financial advisor paying attention to?

I often hear financial professionals talk about the wealth they manage. They usually talk about how the market has impacted financial capital. Or about what the next exciting stock is going to do in the next quarter. I rarely hear them talk about their clients.

A lot of financial professionals focus on the net worth of their clients. They may not pay enough attention to what their clients are actually going through in their lives. Do they want to purchase a second home? Are they worried about their children taking over the business? Dreaming of a long-overdue vacation? Just received an unexpected medical diagnosis? These things are the important determinants of their financial situation – not the stock market.

Conversations with my clients about what’s happening in their lives go a long way towards creating a direction for their investments. Time spent in these discussions is a far cry from market forecasting, but it is never wasted.

What you give your attention to makes all the difference.

Who’s Got Your Back?

Have you ever explored the full meaning when someone says, “I’ve got your back?” 

Is it that they’re committed to watching out for you and taking care of things that you are likely to miss?

Are they dedicated to being that second set of eyes and hands for you when necessary?

Is it someone willing to help when you need assistance, even before you know you need it?

How about somebody who will literally enter into a physical battle on your behalf?

Have you ever taken the time to consider who’s got your back in your business? 

Perhaps it’s an advisor who has a single-minded area, whether it be law, accounting, or lending. 

Maybe it’s that individual who’s able to rise 30,000 feet for a broad view of your world and then tell you how your business fits in your life, particularly during stressful times. 

Maybe it’s the person who can keep the bigger picture in mind when aiding you in your day-to-day business battles. Or someone who can pull you aside – despite your protests that you ‘don’t have time’ – and offer strategic perspectives and advice you can trust.

These “have your back” individuals will ask questions that stop you in your tracks, that allow you to take a deep breath while the stress of the moment leaves your body. They do this without fear that their questions might be simple, naïve, or lacking a complete understanding of your business. 

They don’t worry if they’re the biggest thought leader or genius in the room. They’re focused on helping you slow down, making certain that you’re not ignoring the larger implications of whatever task is at hand.

They maintain the big picture, yet they are at the street level, working right alongside you. They open their network and introduce you to the accountant, the attorney, the banker, even the medical professional, and ask them for exceptions on your behalf, all because they truly believe you are exceptional. 

These are the people who see you for who you are, believe in what you are trying to accomplish, and give all they’ve got to help you get there. In effect, fully defining what it means to say, “I’ve got your back.” 

We all need someone like this, don’t we? I know who it is for myself and the impact they continue to make in my world. Who has your back, in your business, and in your life?


“What’s your AUM, Tom?”

During financial industry conferences and meetings, this seemingly innocent question surfaces almost without fail.

AUM = “assets under management.”

To me, that question is a veiled and vulgar way of trying to find out the total assets being managed by our firm. When using the term “assets,” the person inquiring doesn’t mean the humans and their lives that we’re helping to navigate. Rather, it’s all about the dollars and cents under our direction. The question they’re really asking is, “How much of other people’s money do you control?” To many in our industry, this is the badge of honor that they believe measures success.

I believe that “assets under management” is a crappy way to categorize clients.

I also believe that if all you have is financial capital, then you don’t really have all that much.

While it’s an important data point for valuing a business, it unfortunately doesn’t indicate the true value of a financial professional or their client base. At Note, we have a different standard of that value for both.

We like to think in terms of “lives under management.” 

When considering the “assets” we manage, our focus turns to people we advise. The human beings we help to successfully navigate their personal and financial challenges. Challenges such as:

  • Investing their limited resources of time and money in starting a business. 
  • Taking on the financial capital risks of borrowing money to begin and/or grow a business. 
  • Sweating-out the personal guarantees needed to secure loans in early-stage businesses, or businesses under stress.
  • Lost sleep and compromised health due to the pressures of financial and business risks. 
  • Business distractions that prevent clients from being “present” with their family, spouse or significant other, and the resultant dissatisfaction over a loved one being mentally somewhere else.

Often when we begin advising clients, they find themselves in uncharted waters as we help them navigate their “lives under management.” Yet because of our years of experience, we know the management plan we are creating for them will deliver results. We’ve seen it. We can smell it. We know it, often before those we are working with actually experience it.

We also know that helping people transition their sweat and tears into something of value, and extracting that value over time in the form of financial capital, can give them valued independence. People can live in ways that allow them increased control over their time. They can enjoy extended vacations. They create the ability to transition their business to family or employees, or sell their businesses and move on to their next venture with a smile on their face.

Most importantly, they become fully aware that they are not simply “assets under management.” They are human beings who we value and whose lives we are helping to build and enjoy.

Great Advisors Ask Great Questions

In the decades I’ve spent advising individuals on their businesses and their wealth, I’ve observed that people are often concerned about having the “right answers.” It makes sense. We all want to be correct, feel affirmed, and know we’re on the path of success. However, I’ve learned that to arrive at the “right answers,” you need to ask the right questions. At Note, we believe great advisors ask great questions. The kinds of questions others might not.

Questions you never get to fully contemplate in the day-to-day demands of running your business. 

Questions which, by the time you recognize they should have been asked and addressed, rob you of valued financial capital and time. 

“What made you decide to start this line of work?”  

“Are you still doing it for the same reasons?” 

“What has to happen over the next three years for you to feel professionally fulfilled and successful?” 

“When was the last time you took off a couple of weeks, or even a month, from your work?”

 “If you don’t have the support in place to take a month off or more, what do you think would happen to your business if you become unable to work for an extended period of time due to illness, injury, or premature death?”

These kinds of essential business questions don’t stop there. For many business owners, there are succession concerns that can implicate partners, family, and employees.

“How do you plan on getting out of this business alive?” 

“Are your children working for you? If so, do they expect to own the business someday?”

“Can you identify key employees in your company?” 

“Do they know they are your key employees?”

Some business owners have shareholder involvements. 

“Have you reviewed your shareholder agreement to make sure those integral to your business aren’t robbed of ownership positions, like your children?”

“How might this impact partners and co-shareholders you might have?”

“Does your shareholders agreement address liquidity needs that may occur during their lives—college education funding, unanticipated expensive medical care, helping a child with a home down payment or a grandchild with their education?”

“Can these needs create the unintended consequences of diminished business focus, or loss of a key shareholder?”

There’s also the challenge of managing relationships with varied business advisors.

“Do you have a collaborative team of advisors—an accountant, a tax expert, a lawyer, an operations pro?
“How do you coordinate communication among them all? 

“Do you have one core advisor facilitating such communication? Or do you find yourself spending your business time interpreting the work of each one of your advisors for everyone else?”

“How’s that working for you?”

If any of these questions hit a nerve, I want you to know that I see you and the challenges you’re facing. That’s why I’m passionate about asking great questions that grab your attention and give you pause. Questions that inspire the right answers for your family, your business, your wealth, and your legacy.

If you’d like to start a conversation filled with great questions, I can be reached at Tom@NoteAdvisor.com.