Category: Family & Business Matters

Lessons to carry into the new year

The start of a new year has a way of inviting reflection. We look back at what worked, what didn’t, and what we might do differently as we move forward. For business owners (especially those who have built something from the ground up), this reflection often extends beyond strategy and numbers. It reaches into leadership, trust, and the hard work of letting go.

A few years ago, I remember feeling as if I wasn’t showing up as the kind of leader or business partner I wanted to be. As I reflected on our many meetings throughout the year, I realized that too often I was making withdrawals instead of deposits. Sometimes, while I was simply being updated on the business, I would interrupt with opinions or direction. Other times, I was genuinely asked for my thoughts or opinions, but the distinction wasn’t always clear to them or to me.

So I asked for help from my business partner and our Director of Operations.

I asked that, for a period of time, we clearly distinguish between meetings that were meant as updates and those where the team truly wanted my input and perspective. This wasn’t about disengaging, but about recalibrating. They graciously agreed.

As the year came to a close, I found myself reflecting on what I’m most proud of, not just in terms of growth or progress, but in how I showed up as a partner.

And the answer surprised me.

The best things I did for Note Advisors last year were the emails I didn’t send and the phone calls I didn’t make. Messages that, in years past, I would have fired off almost reflexively. Pausing instead created space for others to lead, for trust to deepen, and for the business to operate without my constant hand on the wheel.

For many business owners, this is one of the hardest transitions: moving from being the driver of every decision to becoming a true partner. Letting go doesn’t mean caring less. It means caring differently. 

As we begin a new year, I’m reminded that leadership isn’t always about action. Sometimes, it’s about restraint. And often, the greatest progress comes from learning when to step back.

That lesson, for me, has been one of the most meaningful rewards of all.

Tom is a person who likes to see good things happen for others. It’s why his life’s work has focused on serving those who are building good things for themselves and others. This mostly looks like advising business owners, their family members, and their key employees in attaining success by aligning their personal and professional visions. He’s been doing this for nearly four decades and has watched as his clients’ financial situations have evolved, gaining insights that only experience can provide. Tom applies his mix of financial know-how and business acumen to guide clients toward better financial outcomes, avoiding the common traps that thwart even the most well-intentioned business owners.

If I’ve learned one thing from my conversations with family business owners, it’s that you are busy people. Sure, any executive faces countless hours and complex decisions. But combining that with family affairs can prove to be overwhelming at times. Through the experiences others have shared with me, a common theme emerged: the day-to-day requirements of family business owners often causes them to overlook underlying problems and opportunities that inhibit long term success. Let’s look at four crucial ones.

1.) Confusing values with preferences.

There is a key distinction. Do you know the difference? Values are important because they shape our belief systems. They are the underlying things in life we see as true. Preferences, on the other hand, are the way we express those values. People can have matching values and different preferences, and vice-versa. Look at the basic principles of Democracy and Communism. Both seek to improve the lives of individuals in a society (a value), but take varying routes to try and achieve this (as in, different preferences). This concept tends to be a prevalent issue among generations of a family. For example, a senior owner can often misunderstand his or her children’s behavior – whether this is in the form of disinterest in their family business, or simply a disagreement on how to run things. Families have been torn apart trying to achieve the same goal in different ways. Carefully evaluate how this arises in your life, and recognize that you may have more common ground with another than you realize. 

2.) The importance of a team of advisors.

For many companies, advisors can be a great tool to ensure the business is being well-managed on all fronts. Along with owners, I’ve met with family business advisors. One was particularly knowledgeable regarding tax and legal procedures. She said that her goal was always to leave the family better off than where they started – with finances in place and relationships maintained. However, she quickly realized that this required her to have a strong understanding of the law (which she did), and of the unique and complex dynamics in place within every family business. For example, the expectations of every member, the relationships between each, and their skills and weaknesses. This advisor admitted much of her work could have been done more efficiently and effectively if she had more skills in reading people. Another advisor I met was exactly the opposite – trained in psychology, but lacked a legal background. He was much better suited to tackle the social dynamics. This is why a diverse team of advisors is crucial. One person cannot be a “professional everything.” 

3.) When your children just aren’t interested.

Of every owner, member, or advisor I’ve ever met, not one has neglected to mention their interest in using the business to improve their children’s lives. I get it. We all want to do what’s best for our family. Unfortunately, this devotion can be an enormous source of conflict. Intentionally or not, the senior generation can create an impression (or reality) that one’s decision not to participate in the family business makes them less of a person to their parent. Consider whether you have created that environment within your own family. A couple of important questions to ask yourself: 

1. What do you want for your child?
2. Would it be okay if they found as much joy in their chosen work as you have in yours?
3. Does your child have an avenue for expressing thoughts, feelings, and perspectives about the business? If so, how? If not, why?

It’s okay to not love the answers right now. These are meant to serve as a starting point, an opportunity to develop a richer and more transparent relationship with your children.

4.) Maintaining the family (business).

How do you feel about your future as a family business owner? Is your routine sustainable? Is it sustainable for your family? You may have heard the saying, “Take care of the mind, and the body will follow.” It’s becoming much more common in the world of athletics – coaches, trainers, and players are recognizing the impacts of mental preparation and wellbeing. I think of you like an athlete. The business is your team – you’re devoted and passionate about it. However, like every athlete realizes, life isn’t just about the game. Therefore, I say, “Take care of the family, and the business will follow.” While performance today is important, you also can’t risk a career-ending injury. Ensure you are balancing work and personal time. While determination, persistence, and unfaltering dedication to the business can be good, recognize when you’re taking things a little too far. And become good at having difficult conversations, with your children, with your spouse, and with yourself. I can’t promise that a happy family will equate to a successful business. But I can promise that a dysfunctional one will not.

If you’d like to discuss harmonizing your family with your business, we’re here to talk.